#8 Tanner (9-5) $195
2022 In A Nutshell: Not bad. For a rookie. It’s the final chance I’ll get to say it, but let’s take one last spin around the stupidity of the Pollard/Adams swap. It unfortunately defined Tanner’s season. Probably for the best, as he saw the full DVFFL machine work against him for weeks. I haven’t seen that much bitching about a trade since Cody was handed the championship by Neal. Either way, it netted both teams a nothing-of-note finish. But still hilariously bad.
Players / 2023 Keeper Price:
QB:
D. Prescott $26
RB:
D. Henry $130
C. Edmonds $46
T. Pollard $32
M. Sanders $32
B. Robinson $10
R. Burkhead $2
WR:
M. Pittman $58
DK. Metcalf $38
D. Smith $12
G. Pickens $10
TE:
E. Engram $10 (FA)
D. Njoku $6
D/ST:
Bengals D/ST $10 (FA)
Broncos D/ST $4
K:
Y. Koo $2
Investment options:
B. Robinson $10
D. Smith $12
G. Pickens $10
Buy It Now options:
T. Pollard $32
M. Sanders $32
If you ever need a reminder at how stupid we all can be, peep Chase Edmonds' price compared to Pollard and Sanders. Selections here aren’t great. Tanner has enough cash to swallow these buy it now options. Honestly, I think he should. Getting Flex plays for your investment options kinda works, but getting the new number 1 on the Cowboys, and more importantly, the most valuable trade asset in the DVFFL – a Cowboy running back, is just too juicy not to buy.
Overvalued and under-valued at the same time:
Pollard $32
#7 Cal (7-7) $154
2022 In A Nutshell: Cal relied on two things he never thought he would have to: Christian and Kirk. Yes Christian Kirk was a big reason why Cal’s season didn’t go into the doo doo hamper. My bet is that if we checked all of Sleeper and ESPN’s auction records, $18 for Tom Brady in his final year, would be one of the highest bids in the entire country outside of New England… where-ever-the-fuck that is. Cal ended the year 11th in QB scoring (THANKS TOM AND DESHAUN), 13th in RB, 1st in WR, and the Higbee special, dead last in TE scoring.
Players / 2023 Keeper Price:
QB:
T. Brady $36
D. Watson $2
RB:
A. Kamara $106
E. Elliott $62
J. Jackson $10 (FA)
S. Conner $10 (FA)
D. Hilliard $4
WR:
D. Adams $80
C. Godwin $34
H. Brown $30
C. Kirk $16
C. Ridley $10 (FA)
D. Jax $10 (FA)
O. Beckham $2
TE:
T. Higbee $2
D/ST:
Cowboys D/ST $2
K:
Investment options:
Watson $2
Buy It Now options:
C. Kirk $16
C. Ridley $10 (FA)
No roster in the DVFFL has more unemployed players on it than Cal’s. Brady, Elliott, Jackson, Hilliard, and D Jax. Even the guys who are employed make some of the strongest cases NOT to be employed for various reasons: Watson, Kamara, Ridley, Beckham, Higbee (skill problem). So when looking at options here, what are we left with?
The same prediction I've made for what feels like 2 years now: It’s Watson. For $2. Please just do it. Don’t talk yourself out of it, then pick him up Week 2 to just let him sit on your honorary first bench spot. Own that shit or get the fuck off the pot.
ANUSTART:
Watson $2
#6 Peyton (8-6) $189
2022 In A Nutshell: You know? Not a bad season from Peyton. About as competitive as you can ask for, he drafted solid pieces and ended up 8-6 with high scoring averages and a star studded roster. Peyton, like many of us, learned a very important lesson last year. QBs REALLY matter. When a late bidding war breaks out for Kirk Cousins, you know the winner AND the loser of that are worse off. For Peyton’s sake, he didn’t have to visit ole Cody Sacko as punishment.
Players / 2023 Keeper Price:
QB:
T. Lawrence $2
RB:
A. Jones $102
D. Swift* $56
A. Gibson $32
D. Dingletary $14
WR:
T. Hill $62
K. Allen $44
D. Samuel* $36
TE:
G. Kittle $44
D/ST:
49ers D/ST $6
K:
J. Tucker $6
Investment options:
T. Lawrence $2
Buy It Now options:
D. Samuel* $36
Did you know Dingletary is a Texan?
Ruining Etienne’s value:
T. Lawrence $2
#5 Mitch (10-4) $208
2022 In A Nutshell: After Week 5, Mitch only lost two games. Hilariously, one of them was the first round of playoffs. Mitch is in a similar window as Jesse. Finishing 2nd and 5th, hoping his dynasty run doesn’t turn dyNASTY. Thankfully, Mitch had the good fortune of setting up his team for success with a war chest of keeper selections…
Players / 2023 Keeper Price:
QB:
RB:
J. Mixon $120
C. Patterson $26
M. Carter $18
J. Mason $10 (FA)
C. Hubbard $4
WR:
AJ Brown $52
D. Hopkins $20
B. Aiyuk $18
D. London $18
D. Carter $10 (FA)
TE:
Z. Ertz $8
D/ST:
K:
Investment options:
C. Hubbard $4 (lol)
Buy It Now options:
D. Hopkins $20
B. Aiyuk $18
Oh the way a spiteful mind works. I’ll never forget how adamant Mitch was that Hopkins is a viable keeper at his price. And look at Hopkins now! Unemployed. Perhaps a trade to Cal’s team should be in order? Regardless of where Hopkins signs, the real point isn’t opportunity, it’s who’s willing to throw him the ball. A dying Tannenhill or BigMac Jones? Oh boy, those are some juicy options to weigh-out
Either way, the football move here is just buy in to the Aiyuk hype and spend 4 weeks trying to sell him.
DARNold, that’s a Purdy Lance you got there:
B. Aiyuk $18
#4 Alec (10-4) $155
2022 In A Nutshell: This is like when the Speaker of House ascends to presidency. Everyone is kinda upset that it’s working so well. Then when it fails, no one is willing to give them a hard time because, again, it worked so well. Alec used the K.I.S.S strat of grabbing just good players. Eventually almost spending more cash than Cal, a scary sentence in its own right, to nab Kelce and Pierce. It was fun. It was wholesome. And it was so entirely obvious how it was going to all fail.
Just read some of these names.
Players / 2023 Keeper Price:
QB:
P. Mahomes $40
RB:
J. Jacobs $64
D. Pierce $38
N. Hines $16
D. Ogunbowale $10 (FA)
P. Strong $10 (FA)
A. Abdullah $4
WR:
A. Cooper $22
E. Moore $18
I. McKenzie $10 (FA)
KJ. Osborn $2
J. Palmer $2
A. Pierce $2
TE:
T. Kelce $68
D/ST:
Bucs D/ST $8
K:
D. Carlson $2
Investment options:
KJ. Osborn $2
J. Palmer $2
A. Pierce $2
Buy It Now options:
D. Pierce $38
A. Cooper $22
D. Carlson $2
Folks. We’re going to see our first ever kicker kept here. And you know what? It’s not going to be the worst keeper choice this year.
Testing Alec’s Raiderdumb:
D. Carlson $2
#3 Christian (9-5) $193
2022 In A Nutshell: In the three years of doing this, only two teams have made the playoffs with $200+ dollars. Christian last year with $246 and Gare in 2020 with $205. That shows what kind of talent usually has the bigger budgets. But nonetheless, Christian succeeded with a team stacked to the brim of talent… Wait. Is that a stretcher? No. No. It can’t be… IT’S KIRK COUSINS’ MUSIC!!
Yes Kirk Cousins, the STD of the DVFFL, plagued another would-be lover out of W’s. Like Peyton, Brian and myself, Christian is joining the “heaven looks like a QB scoring 20+ a week” club.
Players / 2023 Keeper Price:
QB:
K. Cousins $18
T. Tagovailoa $2
RB:
A. Ekeler $138
Dam. Harris $48
R. Stevenson $38
J. Kelley $10 (FA)
D. Foreman $4
WR:
S. Diggs $88
M. Evans $88
T. Higgins* $8
TE:
D. Knox $10
N. Fant $10 (FA)
H. Hurst $2
D/ST:
Giants D/ST $10 (FA)
Pats D/ST $2
K:
N. Folk $10 (FA)
Investment options:
T. Tagovailoa $2
D. Foreman $4
T. Higgins* $8
Buy It Now options:
N/A
No one is trading for Tua, Christian. Why? You traded for Cousins with Tua last year. Isn’t that a vote of confidence. In fact, like Kirk, his injuries gave all of us looking for a QB concussions. If anyone reading this is seriously considering the $2 of Tua. I just want you to stop. And take a seat.
Christian is choosing Higgins here.
A trade that just keeps on giving, two years later:
T. Higgins $8
#2 Jadon (10-4) r-$199
2022 In A Nutshell: Jadon’s team was good last year. How good? His longest losing streak was 1. He also is a Thighmaster purest like myself, buying into the Dillon hype for the price of one Breece Hall and one Ceedee Lamb. Even being charitable to the poor, Jadon rock-blasted the league.
Players / 2023 Keeper Price:
J. Hurts $30
G. Minshew $10 (FA)
B. Purdy $10 (FA)
RB:
AJ. DIllon $64
D. Montgomery $48
K. Walker $18
L. Murray $10 (FA)
K. Williams $4
M. Mack $2
WR:
A. St. Brown $38
J. Jefferson* $24
T. Boyd $4
DJ. Chark $2
TE:
D. Goedert $12
D/ST:
Bills D/ST $12
K:
T. Bass $6
Investment options:
K. Walker $18
J. Jefferson* $24
Buy It Now options:
A. St. Brown $38
D. Goedert $12
You know the answer. But this is probably the last year of Jefferson on Jadon’s team unless he tries to get the full $250 next year to fit in Jefferson’s soon to be $48 bill.
On a Sweet Baby J farewell tour:
J. Jefferson $24
#1 Dylan (7-7) $171
2022 In A Nutshell: Your 2022 DVFFL Champion… A team I ended the year crowning greatest of the decade, Dylan joins Gare as the DVFFL’s only three time winners. Talent wise, this team had it all. Dylan had a way of selecting the RIGHT TE every time. His RBs have a long history of being more like a corpse than a corps. But this season they all stuck it out and got Dilly Beane one more infinity stone.
Players / 2023 Keeper Price:
QB:
J. Burrow $22
RB:
C. McCaffrey $130
J. Conner $90
JK. Dobbins $46
K. Ingram $10 (FA)
Z. Moss $6
WR:
C. Lamb $100
J. Chase $36
T. Burks $4
TE:
D. Waller $46
C. Okonkwo $10 (FA)
H. Henry $6
T. Hill $2
D/ST:
Chiefs D/ST $10 (FA)
Browns D/ST $4
K:
B. Maher $10 (FA)
Investment options:
T. Burks $4
Buy it now options:
J. Burrow $22
J. Chase $36
I can confidently speak for Dylan here that he wasn’t thinking about keepers on his final push. This list is gross. $171 isn’t a ton of change, and even the buy it now prices, while still cheap, are a little tooooooooo competitive to be viable options for this budget. I know in V1 I slated Burrow the pick here, but I think Dyl breaks the mold one more time and doesn’t select a keeper.**
**Or makes a trade with Jesse.
A weekend long talking point:
NO KEEPER
Disclaimers:
*The total cash number represents the total amount of cash BEFORE keeper selections have been made.
**The price you see next to each player is the real price to keep them. You don’t need to double that number.
***All keepers must be decided on the day BEFORE the draft. Draft is currently scheduled for Saturday, Sept 2nd.